


The Culling Joke

by captorvatiing



Series: Gross Clown Trash [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Sgrub Session, Batman: The Killing Joke, Blood, Gross Clown Shit, M/M, Murder, Subjuggulator Gamzee, Vomit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-08
Updated: 2014-09-08
Packaged: 2018-02-16 16:11:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2276145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captorvatiing/pseuds/captorvatiing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The honorable Subjugglator Gamzee Makara is even less funny when he's puking his insides onto your shoes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Culling Joke

"So. So there's two trolls escaping the culling fork right? Like, there’s this mutant and his subjugglator brother. And, they all up and got a plan-nnnnrg." His eyes roll back in his head a second and he dribbles a thin trail of purple from one side of his mouth that's mostly blood. "They-ooh AHAHA ohohooo they got a plan, brother! They got a plan to all up and look out for each other like diamonds. Like to being the BRIGHTEST MOTHERFUCKING SERENDIPITOUS AS SHIT DIAMONDS." Choking on his own blood his shout is barely louder than a hoarse whisper but its deeper. It hits you in the pusher in a way that twists and hurts and he chuckles like its the funniest thing he's ever heard, shaking his shaggy head as he repeats to himself. " _Brightest mother fucking diamonds_."

You haul off and hit him again if only to make him stop saying it. Once. Closed fist to the mouth. He spits a tooth but he doesn't stop laughing. He rolls back with it, takes it like it’s nothing even as he’s dribbling more blood. Holds up two empty palms to you like a surrender, like he’s he’d ready to take any more hits that come but none come, he continues his joke.

"These trolls. These lunatics they ain't fucking around they get to being on the roof of this hivestem right? Looking out over the city stretching as far as oculars can up and motherfucking see, all lit up pretty like _rainbows_. Only they got to get to the other side. They got to hop buildings." He smiles dopey and sweet and chokes up more blood. There is so much blood. "So the first troll, the subjugglator, he jumps. Bravest most mirthful mother fucking ninja that he is he up and hops it. But the mutant eheheh... AHAHAHA! THE FUCKING PUNCHLINE BLOODED MOTHERFUCKER... he's scared."

You are. You are, so fucking scared and you should have put him out of his misery long before this. His blood is on your hands and you are so, so scared.

"He won't do it. He won't make the jump." You swallow hard. He doesn't stop. "So his sweet brother he says, don't you fuckin worry palebro I got you. I up and got your papable ass, with a sweet idea up in my think nub on how to get you across."

He grins at you, expectant. The punchline is coming up but he wants his cue. Needs you to be in on the joke. You can't force yourself not to roll your eyes, you can't even make yourself scowl. He’s so fucking pathetic and you hate him and oh god you pity him so fucking much. Its only when you open your mouth to talk and taste salt that you realise you've been crying.

"What.” You say. You croak. “What's the idea?".

"Well brother, I'll just go right ahead and shine this torch across and you can walk on up over it! Just get your little feet in gear and wander on over that beam of light. But the mutant-" He vomits. Mostly purple. Mostly on you. Between the gore you're drenched in and the faltering smile on his face you can't bring yourself to care. You certainly aren't going to let him go. "The mutant he says... He says I can't- are you FUCKING CRAZY?! Heheh…"

This is it. He takes a deep rattling breath.

"You'd turn it off when I was half way across!"

He howls with laughter at your feet. That's when you find yourself dropping him in disgust. He shrieks and cackles and chokes and chokes and... He's still laughing. Still breathing on his own bile when you turn back towards the door where Kanaya is waiting for you with concern written in every line of her body. Some part of you wonders how you expected to feel. Satisfaction, maybe, but you don't. You know, somewhere deep down you know, that you will regret this later. You will regret not giving him a clean death as you wash the blood from under your claws. You will never wash that hideous bubbling laughter from your ears.

Eventually the laughter stops. You are not there to see that. The last laugh of Gamzee Makara echo's out in his ship unheard.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Credit for the joke and inspiration for the scene to Alan Moore.
> 
> This was going to be part of mine and Rafi's suffkat au but it could be cut yet.


End file.
